A letter to Minnesota
Dear Minnesota-
It has come to my attention that you recently dropped your overnight temperature dramatically. At this time we are not accusing you of anything, we understand this could have been a mistake or an accident of some sort. However several factors have led us to believe you may have done this intentionally…
First of all, it’s September. As we all know, September is a time for baseball, opening football games, short sleeves, and Labor Day. You will notice space heaters are not included in this list. The fact that space heaters were used last night by at least one of your residents in unacceptable.
Secondly, your summer’s deceivingly beautiful weather adds to the extreme change. Is it possible you made the past several months exceedingly beautiful in order to add to the dramatic temperature shift of the past few days?
Again, Minnesota, we are not accusing you of anything, but we would like to make you aware that an investigation has been launched and it is possible that these Un-American activities could lead to severe penalties, including deportation to Canada.
Of course, you’re basically Canadian anyway.
Truly,
People for the Ethical Treatment of Southerners (P.E.T.S)
September 12th, 2007 at 9:04 am
I don’t know how you survive up there. September is just too early to be using a heater. And to think I complain about the cold in Atlanta when it’s way worse for you. Florida made me love the warmth too much!
September 12th, 2007 at 9:21 am
Minnesota is quite deceiving indeed. We shouldn’t deport it but sell it, canada always wants prime southern property and it would help our budget.
September 12th, 2007 at 4:21 pm
Dear Minnesota,
If I were you, I’d grab your parka, dog sled, some beef stew and
head for the hills.
As a member of P.E.T.S, I assure you we will not allow you to
pull the wool over our eyes. A space heater in mid-September?
Bah humbug! Your arrogance won’t fly.
That letter from Me Lard means business. Start packing.
Howlin’ with gnashing teeth,
Ed