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Greetings world. This blog is nearly a month old and should have been posted sooner and for that I apologize. Onwards we go.

On Friday May 4^th, I pointed to the West and flew the friendly skies to Phoenix… a town that is not spelled phonetically… ironic since they both start with “pho” but I digress.

The purpose: Captains reunion with the mighty Kenny Chesney

The means: 1 free ticket voucher from Northwest.

The reason: See “The purpose”

I arrived in “the Dirty Phoe” with instructions to not make fun of my friend (Captain Danger) Marianne’s car. Apparently she was embarrassed of it and my friend Tiffany (Captain McGuyver) wanted to make sure I didn’t say something stupid. I said sure; after all, I’m not a jerk. So Marianne and I reunite, hug and then wait for someone to bring her car around. Here’s where the joke’s on me. Instead of a 1980’s puce Ford POS that I’m expecting, up rolls a brand new Chrysler 300 Stretch Limo.

My reaction is documented and that video will be available sometime in the near future… Captain Danger, this is for you.

Danger and I headed out trying to get people to look at me in the limo as I impersonated someone famous. Apparently I’m the only jo-jo who tries to see who is in a limo. Nobody was looking at me. But when we got to Cricket Pavilion, hereby referred to as the “Dirty Crick” a media truck did several swoops around the parking lot trying to ascertain my identity. Once they were satisfied I was not Kenny Chesney, hereby referred to as “Dirty Ches”, they left the premises. Next I was reunited with Captain McGuyver who then took me onto the Dirty Crick’s stage. It was quite a feeling being up there looking out on thousands of empty chairs of people who did not come to see me. I was not overwhelmed… I guess I was just whelmed.

After a little hanging about we were sent out on a mission. You see, Dirty Ches had sold out the Dirty Crick for Cinco de Mayo, herby referred to as “Dirty Cinc”. Danger, McGuyver and I headed off to put together a gift basket for Dirty Ches. After a quick dinner of Japanese Steak, we went to Target, a grocery store and a liquor store in the barrio, we had the gift basket assembled.

More on that in a moment. Time for bed.

The next morning I woke up, watched several episodes of the Office and then headed to Subway for lunch and to pray. One thing I’ve been most grateful to NET for is the ability to pray virtually anywhere. It was then that I got the text from Tiff:

“Dirty Ches loved his gift basket. He’s using the pirates in the show.” Let me explain.

In the basket was a giant super soaker which, Dirty Ches apparently used to soak everyone who walked by; water balloons which were also tossed at innocent bystanders… or is it standers-by; a bottle of Malibu Rum; Flip-flop Candles; Lei’s with shot glasses attached; a pirate beach towel; beach balls; and the kicker two pirate piñatas. We stuffed them with M&M’s (apparently Dirty Ches’ favorite Dirty Snack) He thought they were great and decided to hoist them into the rafters to be dropped onstage at some point in the show.

I needed a pair of flip flops so I headed to Wal-Mart for a quick shopping stop. This turned into a major event in the trip.

While shopping I heard a bike horn. I turned to see a woman… or man, wearing a sombrero and riding a three wheeled bicycle with a giant Mexican Flag hanging from the back. All the while he or she is yelling, “French Bread! Get it while it’s hot!” Sure enough, behind the bike was a Radio Flyer filled with French Bread. Apparently it’s a Cinco De Mayo staple.

Later I swore I heard someone singing. Sure enough, I rounded the corner to a full Mariachi band at the entrance to Wal-Mart. Beautiful. But not as beautiful as to what I would see next.

I looked directly above the Mariachi’s and there he was. A three foot tall Captain Jack Sparrow piñata. Naturally I purchased him and took him to the Dirty Crick with me.

So around 5 I headed down to the Dirty Crick for the show. I gave Dirty Jack to Captain Danger who took him backstage (where he still resides as the Dirty Crick Mascot) I then got in line with my ticket that was Dirty Free and met Danger inside the gate. I went and got my first beer from a beer stand that was being manned… or womaned by a volunteer who used to live in Minnesota. We had something interesting to talk about when she checked my ID.

I went down and watched the concert with Tiff’s roommate and her boyfriend.

Pat Green was up first… and Sober. A surprise for any Pat Green fans out there.

Next was Sugarland who was good but a little too… Donny and Marie for me.

Kenny Chesney started the show and as promised, during “When the Sun Comes Down” with a surprise visit by Uncle Cracker, down came the piñatas. Only, you see, Kenny Chesney is short. REAL Short. And his roadie’s thought it would be funny to keep hoisting it higher than his 5ft 6inch frame could reach. I thought it was hysterical. Kenny, not so much.

The show was great and after, I headed backstage with the Captains where I promptly ate an Outback Special and Mashed Potatoes sans silverware. You know your from the south when a steak becomes a dipping tool.

Shortly thereafter, we headed out to the parking lot where Tiff’s boss and I raced scooters through the parking lot and in between tour buses. I almost side swiped the aforementioned, Dirty Kracker.

Sunday I awoke bright and early and headed to Sky Harbor Airport where I said farewell to the “Dirty Cap’s” grabbed a quick bite to eat and headed back to Minnesota. Fun was had by all and no one was seriously injured.

For now Dirty Blog that’s all I have for you. Coming up next, Wrap Up Week and the Cedar Point Trip. You won’t want to miss it!

This entry was posted on Friday, May 25th, 2007 at 1:08 pm and is filed under Funny, Music, blog. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments. You can comment below, or link to this permanent URL from your own site. Your comments will be moderated but will appear as soon as humanly possible.